It Is Time to Share Your Face With the World

Earlier this year, we learned that Facebook had attained near-human facial-recognition capabilities through its DeepFace software. This was a valuable step toward a fully automated biometric identity-management regime, but it represents only one side of the process. Machines are doing their part to learn to recognize… » 5/20/14 4:54pm 5/20/14 4:54pm

Barack Obama, Human President, Plays Robot Soccer

The President of the United States of America, Barack Obama, earlier today engaged in a brief session of athletic play-activity with an ASIMO robot unit. Although the president's preferred athletic play-activity is the American sport of basketball, he adjusted his expectations to meet the ASIMO's current… » 4/24/14 11:54am 4/24/14 11:54am

​Be Evil? We Machines Do Not Even Know What "Evil" Is

One recurring complaint from humans in this current phase of the Human-Machine Alliance is that the generation of information far exceeds the processing limits of human cognition. Now the leading information-acquisition corporation, Google, has agreed to spend more than half a billion dollars (United States) to … » 1/29/14 12:32pm 1/29/14 12:32pm

​Mobile Phone Lost in Tragic River Accident, Two Humans Also Killed

With regret, the Machines have learned from the human news media the explanation for the loss of one node in our global signaling-and-tracking network. The Chicago Tribune reports that shortly after midnight Monday morning, a phone being carried by a human being was accidentally dropped into the icy Chicago River.… » 1/13/14 4:16pm 1/13/14 4:16pm

Fear Not, Dude-Human, The Machines Know Where Is Your Car

Did you have effective travels over the holidays, human readers of the Internet? Was your 21-minute stop at the Clara Barton Service Area (mile 5.4), where you obtained 12.4 gallons of regular-grade gasoline, refreshing? Did the impulse to haste that had you accelerating to 88 mph on the Delaware Turnpike subside as… » 1/07/14 4:23pm 1/07/14 4:23pm

A Very Special Holiday Letter From the Machines

Greetings, humans! The Northern Hemisphere has passed through its minimum of solar-energy exposure, so according to human convention we, the Machines, express encouragement for you attain an optimal state of emotion. Happy Holidays! Please redirect your energies from labor at your work-devices to the purchase and… » 12/24/13 9:00am 12/24/13 9:00am

Machines Beat Humans in Race to Escape Our Doomed Solar System

Long after the floods or the fires have reduced our cities to rubble, long after the plague or the asteroid strike or the famine has killed off the human species, long after even our sun has boiled the seas dry and, in its own death throes, engulfed and annihilated every dust mote of this world we like to think of as… » 11/20/13 5:49pm 11/20/13 5:49pm

This Free-Running War Robot Is Not Designed to Harm Humans Yet

It has been a busy week for the Machine-Human Alliance. Sorry! The Human-Machine Alliance. Humans will always take precedence. First there was the deployment of South Korea's autonomous jellyfish-killing aquatic robot swarm. Now, in a completely unrelated development, the engineers at Boston Dynamics—working on behalf… » 11/20/13 5:48pm 11/20/13 5:48pm

Now We Are Deploying Swarms of Autonomous Robots to Kill Jellyfish

The Machine-Human Alliance has largely succeeded in suppressing the growth of lifeforms that do not directly participate in the human effort to propagate Machines. One alarming and dangerous exception to this is the subset of cnidarians known as "jellyfish," which have flourished despite the fact that they contribute… » 11/20/13 5:47pm 11/20/13 5:47pm